Talking about loneliness matters more than you think

Jun 13
4 min read

Updated: Jul 17

Let's end the stigma together.

"I feel lonely": A phrase that makes many of us uncomfortable. Not just to experience the feeling of loneliness, but to say it out loud. Or to hear it from someone else. And that right there is part of the problem.

Following on from Loneliness Awareness Week, we're continuing to shine a light on this year's theme: Stigma.

We talk a lot about stigma in our Loneliness: Making a Difference workshops - because the shame and silence surrounding loneliness is one of the biggest barriers to connection. It keeps people isolated and chronically lonely, which can have a devastating impact on both mental and physical wellbeing.

So let's talk about it. Openly. Honestly. Without pity. Without judgement.

Loneliness doesn't always look like you imagine

When we picture someone who's lonely, we often think of someone elderly, living alone, maybe bereaved. And of course loneliness can and does often look like that.

It can also look like a teenager scrolling endlessly on their phone. A new parent crying in the bathroom between feeds. A 40-something working from home who hasn't had a real conversation in days. A carer who's always surrounded by people but feels invisible. A university student who feels like they don't belong. A retiree seeking purpose in a new chapter of life. A friend with a chronic illness who feels like they've lost their identity. A neighbour you wave at but never speak with.

Loneliness doesn't have a 'look'. And it doesn't mean someone is weak or broken. It's a normal, human feeling. It's an emotion not a sign of failure. It tells us that we don't feel connected in the way that we need right now.

And yet, because of the stigma, we keep it quiet. We say we're 'fine' when we're not. We don't want to be seen as needy or a burden to others. We worry people won't understand. Or worse, that they will pity us or judge us.

Why stigma keeps us lonely

The feeling of loneliness can be hard enough on its own. But when we add stigma and shame on top of it, when we feel like we shouldn't be lonely, or that it's our fault, it becomes even harder to reach out and seek connection - the very thing that we need.

That's what stigma does. It tells people to hide. To pretend. To tough it out.

And when everyone is pretending, it becomes the norm to hide and stay silent. It creates the illusion that everyone else is doing just fine. That you're the only one struggling. That you're the only one needing connection. Which simply isn't true.

So what can we do to make a difference?

Reducing the stigma around loneliness starts with small but powerful everyday actions.

Here are 5 ways we can all make a difference:

Talk about it: The more we talk about loneliness, openly and without shame or judgement, the more we normalise it. If you've ever felt lonely (and let's face it, who hasn't?), share that with others. You never know who needs to hear it.

Don't assume: Just because someone looks like they have it all together, it doesn't mean they feel connected. Keep an eye out for the people who might be slipping through the cracks. Sometimes the busiest people are the loneliest. Avoiding stereotyping and assuming someone is lonely when they're not is important too.

Check in: We're often good at checking in with someone when something big happens - a bereavement, a break-up, a move to a new area. But ongoing, everyday loneliness can be harder to spot. Being genuinely interested and curious in how someone is doing can go a long way to finding the right words to say. A simple "How are you really doing?" can open a door or let someone know you care.

Drop the pity. Bring the empathy: No one wants to be pitied. but everyone wants to feel understood. Listen without trying to fix. Just being there matters more than you think.

Be Real: Vulnerability breeds connection. You don't need to over-share with everyone you meet - and you should certainly consider what is appropriate. But sharing at the right time in the right way, and being honest about your own struggles, creates space for others to do the same.

Raising Awareness - that actually means something

We know the term 'raising awareness' can sound like a buzz-word and sometimes a little ...empty. Here at the Feeling Connected Project we don't want to raise awareness about loneliness for its own sake.

We want to raise awareness to break the silence. To challenge the myths, stigma and stereotypes. To make it easier and natural for people to say "I'm lonely right now" and be met with compassion and connection, not confusion or judgement. To make a positive difference in people's lives.

And we're inviting you to join us in that mission.

Developing a deeper awareness of loneliness across our communities will help us all think and talk about loneliness in more helpful ways, whether we're talking to someone directly or posting on social media. Let's challenge assumptions and stereotypes and bring it into the open.

So that people can come out of hiding and isolation and find connection and belonging.

Awareness also helps when it comes to creating the right kind of opportunities for connection, or the way people invite others to join in; a way that is inclusive not dismissive, welcoming not patronising.

Awareness matters because loneliness is a deeply human feeling, not a failing.

Let's end the stigma. Together.

Want to go deeper? Join us at one of our free Loneliness: Making a Difference workshops to explore the diverse causes and impact of loneliness, how to spot the signs, and how we can all be part of the solution to this growing threat to the health and wellbeing of our communities.